The Best Medicine?

I first discovered this new brand of pain relief while watching the popular hospital drama, Grey’s Anatomy. The interns were discussing patient Henry Lemont who was having a very painful spinal implant. Henry was allergic to all pain medicine, but luckily one of the Doctors had found him alternative pain relief through ‘Naughty Nurses 4’. That’s right, Henry Lemont, whose wife sat in the corner knitting, was watching pornography to ease his pain.

In the everyday home, pornography is often used as a ‘stress reliever’ and now doctors all over the world are researching into using it as a pain reliever. Watching pornography causes the brain and body to release natural drugs back into the nervous system, which gives it the ability of self-medication as it masks pain and stress.

It’s not specifically pornography that scientists are researching as pain relief. Porn itself could never be solely used as pain medicine, as the thought of thousands of hospital rooms across the world screening “Girls Wet & Wild: Uncut” is, quite fairly, considered unethical.

Instead, scientists have been looking into the science and psychology behind the common saying: Love is the best medicine. Pornography may ease pain relief, but the love for pornography is what releases the pain relieving chemicals.

The best psychological evidence of love easing pain can be seen in the relationship between a small child and their parents. When a small child falls over and scrapes their knee, their screams of pain let the whole world know their hurting. Children are the Kings and Queens of overreacting, and their parents are the jesters to make them smile again. All it takes is for mummy or daddy to kneel down, coo words of comfort, and, the most effective of them all, kiss it better. How many times did your parents kiss your cuts and bruises better? Love and attention is often considered by parents as the de-stressor for their babies.

The science bit behind it is that the love projected from the parent is “caught” and reciprocated by the child. This causes the child’s brain to release the “happy” chemicals to mask pain and bring happiness.

The other type of love that helps ease pain is the love between a couple. There have been many survivors of severe illnesses who claim that they wouldn’t have survived, had it not been for the love of the partner getting them through. Similarly to the love between the parent and child, the love between two couples causes the release of chemicals from the brain.

These chemicals are some what stronger than that of the parent and child however, as they not only mask pain, but it affects the body from head to toe. These chemicals have been inked to reduced heart attacks, ease the pain of back ache, arthritis and migraines and cause people to be less vulnerable to depression and suicide!

So how exactly do the scientists plan on using this information for pain relief? Although the love of a child or partner can be excellent pain relief, unfortunately not everyone in the world is blessed with either of the two.

For those that are blessed with a child, partner or pornographic video, doctors plan on enhancing the interaction between the two to work alongside medication.

The medication itself, however, is what the men in white coats are investigating further. They believe that the key lies in the natural pain relieving chemical L-Phenylalanine. It helps to lengthen the lifespan of the chemicals in the brain that ease pain and is especially effective in relieving pain from arthritis and aching muscles. Enhanced pain relief has been discovered when L-phenylalanine is used with prescribed pain killers and normal pain relief is found when used on its own.

The scientists have created their own version of this chemical called DL-phenylalaine which is a combination of half L-phenylalaine and half D-phenylalanine. L-Phenylalanine is the natural form of phenylalanine found in proteins all over the body. D-Phenylalanine is a synthesized form of the chemical, which means it is produced in a laboratory. This manufactured form of phenylalanine is used to block an enzyme in the nervous system that increases pain signals. The interruption of pain signals allows the healing mechanisms of the body to begin working faster. Though they may not have yet discovered how to get us running on love as easy as Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, you have to pay theses scientists their dues.

For all the parents, children, couples and general public out there who are suffering from a little pain, these scientists have discovered the cheapest and nicest solution. From now on, instead of reaching for the pills, people will be reaching for their parents or children and partners or pornos. I believe that this discovery will bring a far happier and more sexually aroused world. Thank god.

Robyn xxxx