Review: Love Actually

This romantic comedy breaks the conventional mould of it’s genre in ways that no romcom has done before. With Love Actually, anyone wishing to watch doesn’t require a high level of estrogen. This was recently proven by my mass-murdering-torturing-violence-loving-exploding-death-war-loving boyfriend. In the beginning, he watched to please me. By the end? I watched it twice more to please him.

Love Actually explores outside the “conventional” love which is often portrayed in romantic comedies. The film sees ten unique stories beautifully entwined, each covering a different form of love. Though it remains in loves legal boundaries, the plot is quite literally the A-Z of love. We see the story of the husband, wife and wannabe mistress, the secret love, the love that can never be, the rockstar and his manager, the work mates (with a interesting twist), the step-father and son, the PM and his secretary, love through the language barrier, young love, and lastly, the unlucky in love, who tries to get lucky in America. A round of applause must be granted to the writes, in the way that they manage to not only tell each story, but link them together, without causing the audience to reach for the headache pills.

More credit must be granted to the impeccable cast. The crème de la crème of British actors and actresses are joined by a few yanks, thrown in to ensure the films success over the pond. As well as the typical actors found in romantic comedies – Hugh Grant and Colin Firth – you also find world class talent in superb performances by the likes of Bill Nighy and Laura Linney.Nighy plays the has-been rock star Billy Mack, who is attempting a comeback with the help of his exasperated manager Joe. Billy Mack provides much of the comedy of the film, as shown in the opening scenes.

The opening scene depiction of Heathrow Airport and a small speech by Hugh Grant about love being “all around”, brings the warm gushy feeling to your stomach in the first five minutes. The following scene, shows Billy Mack in the recording studio where he gives the classic line: “shit, bugger, arse head and hole.” This line brings us right back to the very hilarious, and very British, reality which this film strongly tries to uphold.

Keeping in tune with reality is one of the many reasons that this film is a success, and manages to refrain from becoming an overly nostalgic lovey-dovey mush. My favourite proof of this has to be in the films one almost-sex scene. In the average romcom, it would have been quick-paced, passionate and noisy. Love Actually? Unplanned, slightly awkward start and a dress that won’t budge!

I must also grant a special round of applause – and an entire paragraph -to Martine McCutcheon. She brilliantly shakes off her tacky soap opera past to reveal fresh, believable acting talent. Her role as Natalie, the Prime Minister’s secretary sees McCutcheon wholly embrace the personality of the normal West London girl and grants her a space in all our hearts.

My personal love for this film comes from the fact that it is as British a film could ever be. The weddings are filled wit big hats, vol-au-vent buffets and dodgy DJs. The language is stuffed with handfuls of ‘bugger’ and gallons of ‘bloody.’ A common case with romcoms is for the British actors to attempt a non-regional dialect (once again to make the film more accessible for our old American buddies). Love Actually tosses this aside and instead the accents are as regional as you could possibly desire. Contained in this film is every form of the London accent that exists as well as Scottish, American and Portuguese! I also love the multicultural cast that truly reflects London streets. As well as this, the film has an inter-racial relationship in the form of Keira Knightly and Chiwetel Ejiofor.

Love Actually continues to break moulds and bring new meaning to the word “romantic comedy” right to the very end. I had expected a disappointing and predictable romantic comedy ending, but I was wrong. The endings were as predictable as English weather. There are plenty of happy endings to please the usual romcom lovers, who only watch for the lovey-dovey feeling at the end and use these films to revive their hope in the big ‘L’. But what you must not forget is that this film intends to keep to reality by showing love at its worst as well as its best.

Love Your Cat? THEN CHOP 'EM OFF!

Think back to a time when you’ve been in a relatively silent area. Maybe it was dinner with family or watching a movie with friends. Did somebody fart? Were you embarrassed? Was it silent but deadly? Did it smell for ages? Well I’m here to make you feel a little better about yourselves! Cats bring silent but deadly to a whole new level! To reach it, you’ll need a space shuttle and a ladder! I’m here to tell you why.

A cat’s protein rich diet produces small amounts of stinky gas because the proteins they consume contain a whole lot of sulphur. The fart itself is hardly audible (I told you it was silent but deadly!) but the odour is overwhelming not only for the people in the vicinity, but even for next door!

The amount of gas produced is tiny but highly potent as it possesses some sort of inner strength that can smell how it does. You know what they say, big things come in small packages! Secondly, the horizontal orientation of a Cat’s gastrointestinal system puts less pressure on the anal opening which means the gas is released much slower and as they fart very rarely, I guess they cherish the few seconds of manhood they can endure in a lifetime. Also, cats do not feel embarrassed whatsoever when they fart which means their sphincters are more relaxed which leads to a less noisy flatulence.

This leads me to talking about neutering. Neutering a male before he reaches puberty almost always prevents completely the development of all mating behaviour, which includes spraying urine and marking territory with urine, and the desire to roam outside searching for a mate. This in itself puts the cat at great risk for injury or even death from being hit by cars; being the object of human cruelty; infection and disease from other cats; death from natural predators, and cat fighting. Neutering also prevents the cat from farting! So if you’re lucky, you may never have to smell the stench that is a cat fart. Male cats are usually neutered between 5 1/2 and 9 months of age, before habits such as spraying urine and farting are started. Neutering involves the removal of the source of sex hormones and sperm cells, which are the testicles. The two incisions are usually so small that stitches or sutures are not even needed. And, normally, the cat is sent home the very same day.

Many people do not get their cat Neutered as they think that it’s probably just 1 litter, but believe me it’s not. 1 fart, 1 spray of urine is all it takes for a habit to be formed, and you will hate the results.

In total, there are 21,000 reasons why you should neuter your cat. 21,000 is the number of potential offspring that could be given birth to if your cat is not neutered.

Male cats should be neutered at six months, but can be neutered at any age thereafter. If your cat is kept indoors, neutering is still the best option. Neutering will prevent him from become sexually frustrated and continually trying to escape, and will also save you from the smelly problem of urine-spraying. Having the snip will not 'change his personality', that is another common myth without any basis in fact.

I have a cat called Flashy and let me tell you, he’s got some big ass cahones. When he’s in ‘crazy’ mode, he’ll try to bite just about anything. From toes to Nintendo Wii remotes, it really doesn’t bother him. He’s a male, I Love Him, so I’m going to get him neutered. If you love your cat, get him neutered!

Bhavin Tejura

Heartache

I want you in my life,
That's not a statment,
That's a fact.
My life is killing me, slowly, I need you back.
Sometimes it makes me angry that I'm still
Caught up on you.
But, it's the way you move, talk breath...
It's the little things you do.

Everyone's heart beats- it's what keeps us alive.
It stops. We all die.
My heart, it beats for you
Each emotion you feel, I feel it too.
I break down,
Crying
On the random sometimes.
It's because of you,
And the things you do to me...
It should be made a crime.

You ignore my exsistence.
Each time I die,
A little bit more inside,
All I need is a 'Hello' or
'Bye'
All I need to know you care,
To prove to myself,
That
Some
Sort-of
Love
Is there.

You have the worlds longsest
History of 'My babyee'
When, will it be my two weeks?
I know I don't have much to offer.
I'm noy blonde or 'gawjus'
or something
or other.

All I can promise is that
You know you will have my heart
Stick with me, we can never part.

This heartache is rediculous, stupid and vain
You could never love a girl like me
This is insane.

My heart is
pouring out to you
alover this page.
My pen burning through thr paper
Praying you'll stay.

But you won't,
Why should you?
When your 'Babyee' is one your arm,
With,
More girls queuing
At the door,
When you turn on the charm

This poem is for you,
My dear,
My Beloved

I Pray...
Someday...
You will realise...
All you need,
All I need,
All I want...
Is
You and me.

The the heartache will end.

Symone xxxx

Charles Dickens Day!

Today, the 7th of February, is Charles Dickens day and so we have posted one of his love poems for you guys to enjoy! Now obviously Charles Dickens is more well known for his books, but we can hardly post a book on here now, can we! So, without further ado, we present Lucy's Song by Charles Dickens:

Lucy's Song

HOW beautiful at eventide
To see the twilight shadows pale,
Steal o'er the landscape, far and wide,
O'er stream and meadow, mound and dale!

How soft is Nature's calm repose
When ev'ning skies their cool dews weep:
The gentlest wind more gently blows,
As if to soothe her in her sleep!

The gay morn breaks,
Mists roll away,
All Nature awakes
To glorious day.
In my breast alone
Dark shadows remain;
The peace it has known
It can never regain.

B&$&*!$D

The love has gone now.
Without you I swear I'm lost
I'm all alone. Cold

Symone xxx

Blind? We wish.

Whoever said that love is blind
Has clearly not taken to mind
That what men love beyond compare
Has double D breasts and long blonde hair

Admittedly there are a few
Who'll want to know the inner you
But they're more likely to give their heart
To Stephen, Michael, Paul or Bart

Robyn xxx
17/05/2008

All Poetry is copyrighted

My 25 Greatest Loves... [Robyn]

One note: apart from number 1, they are not in order!

1. my baybe (no, i am not a mother), my family and my friends
2. The Harry Potters
3. The Colour Purple film
4. Romeo & Juliet
5. Moulin Rouge
6. Disney Classics
7. Bacon sandwiches
8. Hot weather
9. Shopping
10. My home
11. Writing poetry
12. Thinking about University and my future career!!!!
13. F.R.I.E.N.D.S
14. Grey's Anatomy
15. Peter Kay
16. Flirting
17. Granola and probiotic yoghurt
18. Bolognese pasta
19. CHINESE FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
20. How i met your mother
21. Comedy Films
22. The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
23. Little Women and Good Wives by Louisa May Alcott
24. Having a good sleep
25. Jane Eyre